‘Testing each others boundaries, working out someone’s limits, it’s all part of being in a new relationship with someone, but it’s more intense and complicated when there are three of you.’ The three men live together in North London ‘And then we both had to work out our relationships with Sam,’ adds David. ‘We had to quickly adapt a whole new, very different dynamic,’ says Louis of his relationship with David. The three of them say that the first few weeks were marked by uncertainties and insecurities, often leading to outbursts of emotion. This is where it sounds a little different from a more conventional relationship – which can begin with a honeymoon period and evolve into rows and bickering. ‘It was,’ he chuckles, ‘a bit of a mind-fuck!’ There were a lot of arguments in the early days.
Everyone’s looking out to see if they’re missing out on attention or affection. ‘There’s a lot of jealousy and a lot of having to adjust. The first few weeks were marked by uncertainties and insecuritiesĭespite a shared aim, the early months were far from plain sailing. ‘I gave them that choice and they chose,’ says Sam.įortunately, they all wanted the same thing to be together Sam duly moved in within four weeks. ‘I made it clear very soon, it was all or nothing,’ says Sam, signaling he wasn’t willing to take a ‘junior’ role and was not looking to be just ‘fuck buddies’.
Not only was he younger than they were planning (‘We thought we’d find a guy in his 40s – but you don’t choose who you get along with,’ says David), he was also not shy of staking his own space in an established relationship. And then we started looking for other encounters,’ says Louis.ĭavid and Louis say that finding Sam was a surprise. Whether this was a semi-regular ‘friend with benefits’ or something more was undecided. They were still committed to one another and were planning on marrying, but they decided to entertain the idea of allowing someone else to join them. ‘We came to a bit of a hold in our relationship,’ says David. They quickly moved in with one another and threw themselves into building a life together in London.Īround a year ago, they mutually decided that they would look around for a third person. He’d been due to return to Asia, but those plans changed when he met David – originally from Israel. Louis heralds from Hong Kong but had been living in the UK. I very quickly regard them as one unit, in the same way I might view a couple as their own, distinct entity: Individuals, yet bonded.ĭavid, 54, and Louis, 47, have been together for seven years. Then they meet us and spend time with us and quickly say, “This all seems really normal”.’ ‘When people think of threesomes,’ said Sam, playing with Brusky, their Chocolate Labrador, ‘they immediately think raunchiness and sex. Louis and David met Same (center) at a London club night in 2015 Transcribing my interview afterwards was a challenge in picking out the words through the guffaws and gentle ribbing of each other. Sat side-by-side on a sofa – relaxed, jovial and talkative – they immediately put me at ease. I wanted to ask some pretty personal questions: Would they be shy? Would they get offended? I’ve interviewed many gay couples in the past but this is my first ‘thruple’ (as Sam refers to them). I ring the buzzer of their apartment in North London with some apprehension. The three men (who have asked GSN not use their surnames) have been in a committed three-way relationship for the past year. However, it’s that concept of ‘the norm’ that soon gets turned on its head when you meet Louis, David and Sam. Triad Threesome Polyamorous relationship: Whatever you wish to call it, real-life examples of three men living and sleeping with one another in committed relationships remain pretty rare.Īlthough many people may have dabbled with sex with more than one person at the same time, actually committing one’s self to two others is considered far from the norm.